Archie's Story, Part 4

Artyom Sergazinov (Archie) is a serious student of the English language. When he spoke to the Washington Rotary Club, members were amazed at his command of grammar and usage, with one club member commenting afterward that she had rarely encountered even an American-born student his age who had an understanding of the subjunctive mood.

Archie quickly picked up on the Western Pennsylvania dialect, and in the following post, he has a little fun with it...

Ten Things a Foreigner Will Miss After He Leaves Warshinton, Pensivania

1. Walmart
a. Lines; those people trying to check out 72 buggies with paper towels and three cupboards and 13 microwaves at the register that says "10 items or less;"
b. The cheapest and, perhaps, freshest donuts from last Christmas;
c. All of 'em Bars franks'n hot dogs for 77 cents a pack – the cheapest you can find in the whole country;
d. Turkey'n all at meat in the deli section in 'em Ziploc bags - wait in line, don't be a jagoff!
e. Buggies all over the place - with food in 'em;
f. Grannies "riding dirty;"
g. Them five-pound hoagies for $4.98 a piece;
h. The best store to go to - compared to other stores, just a few cars and people on Saturdays and Sundays;
i. the place where you can get the best job in the entire world - a greeter.

2. Shop'n'Save - Save A Lot!

3. Four Star Pizza - the place where the same people call and complain every day that we've been messing their food up for the past couple of days; then, after having had a nice try, they order again hoping we put a rubber glove or somebody's hair in their pizza.

4. WashJeff - free tuition.

5. Jynt Igel.

6. Shorty's - ispeshelly the won in dahntahn.

7. The VIP - get your knuckles ready!

8. Highland Bar - check it out with your white friends at 2 a.m. on a Friday night; lots of fun guaranteed!

9. The Outlets - watch the empty parking lot! Crisis in America!

10. The Wash Crahn Cenner.